I love the challenge of seeing something old and run-down become something new again. In my adult life, I have renovated 4 homes. My ex-husband was a contractor and together we renovated two of the worst looking houses in the nicest neighborhoods. He taught me many skills, and I did the lighter renovations under his supervision – drywall patching, painting, wallpaper, refinishing cabinets and furniture, installing new lights, etc. He relied on me for any interior design decisions. I found it very creative work that I really enjoyed.
When I got divorced, I bought another smaller home for my daughter and myself. This house had been rented for thirty years, and nothing was updated. It had window air conditioning, an ancient heating system, no lights in the bedroom ceilings and a wall oven original to the 1943 house. It was basically a complete gut job. I found a lovely contractor who was happy to let me do as much of the work as I wanted to do, and he did all the big stuff – tearing out old tile and gutting the kitchen, installing central air and a new heating system, etc. I designed the kitchen layout and picked out all the cabinets and appliances. My daughter and I made hand painted tiles for the backsplash. My dad came for a visit and the two of us blew insulation into the attic on a cold day. That was fun. I had 30 cubic yards of dirt dumped and I solo regraded the side of the house. I was proud of my skills, and I knew how to use them.
When I got divorced, I bought another smaller home for my daughter and myself. This house had been rented for thirty years, and nothing was updated. It had window air conditioning, an ancient heating system, no lights in the bedroom ceilings and a wall oven original to the 1943 house. It was basically a complete gut job. I found a lovely contractor who was happy to let me do as much of the work as I wanted to do, and he did all the big stuff – tearing out old tile and gutting the kitchen, installing central air and a new heating system, etc. I designed the kitchen layout and picked out all the cabinets and appliances. My daughter and I made hand painted tiles for the backsplash. My dad came for a visit and the two of us blew insulation into the attic on a cold day. That was fun. I had 30 cubic yards of dirt dumped and I solo regraded the side of the house. I was proud of my skills, and I knew how to use them.
When I married Dave, I moved into an incredible home – the most beautiful log home I had ever seen. Never content with a house as it is, I started renovating as soon as I could… quietly. I painted and redecorated the guest room while Dave was out of town. A friend with mad tile skills came to visit and we put tile around the fireplace. I added a mantle. The same friend helped us cut through the solid log wall to put in a new sliding glass door to add light in the bedroom. It didn’t take long before Dave got the bug as well, and over the next few years we renovated the entire house.
I loved our contractors, but these guys were different. They didn’t want my help – not at all. This was hard. When they would promise things to be done at a particular date, things I could have helped with, and that date came and went with the job unfinished, I got very frustrated. I know about contractor “deadlines.” Believe me. But I found myself holding them to an exacting standard that they could not meet.
Dave helped me process my anger. The experience was that they were late. I perceived this as not keeping their word, but the actual situation was that stuff happens in home renovation beyond anyone’s control. When I sat down and thought about why I was reacting so strongly, I realized it all had to do with lack of control. In my other renovations, ultimately, I was in charge. Here, I was sharing that creative control with a highly invested spouse (he built this house) and I had to sit on my hands and not contribute physically to the work. It was making me crazy. I finally realized I had to just surrender to the process. What will be, will be. Moreover, I had to trust these guys to do an amazing job. And they did. So amazing, that our house was submitted by the firm for a design award and ended up as a finalist.
Sometimes, processing ends up in surrender instead of action.
I loved our contractors, but these guys were different. They didn’t want my help – not at all. This was hard. When they would promise things to be done at a particular date, things I could have helped with, and that date came and went with the job unfinished, I got very frustrated. I know about contractor “deadlines.” Believe me. But I found myself holding them to an exacting standard that they could not meet.
Dave helped me process my anger. The experience was that they were late. I perceived this as not keeping their word, but the actual situation was that stuff happens in home renovation beyond anyone’s control. When I sat down and thought about why I was reacting so strongly, I realized it all had to do with lack of control. In my other renovations, ultimately, I was in charge. Here, I was sharing that creative control with a highly invested spouse (he built this house) and I had to sit on my hands and not contribute physically to the work. It was making me crazy. I finally realized I had to just surrender to the process. What will be, will be. Moreover, I had to trust these guys to do an amazing job. And they did. So amazing, that our house was submitted by the firm for a design award and ended up as a finalist.
Sometimes, processing ends up in surrender instead of action.
This is one view of the renovation - to see the complete before and after, click the link to the design award submission above.
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