It’s been just about a full year since I opened the first box down there in the basement and got the cleaning-out process started. I had a driving need to “get ready,” to create closure and make space for new beginnings. Here’s what’s happened in that year:
A year gone by, and while I have made a lot of space in my life, those new beginnings are manifesting in their own time, which is to say, slowly.
- I retired from the program and the adjunct professorship I created for myself at George Mason University.
- I moved an entire van worth of furniture and stuff up to my daughter’s house.
- There’s empty shelving in the basement.
- I cut back on my piano students dramatically this fall.
- Next month my national board service for the Country Dance and Song Society ends after 6 years.
- I may have finally learned how to say “no” to things I think I should do, but don’t really want to. (Maybe.)
- I am listening to myself better and doing a lot more asking for what I want.
A year gone by, and while I have made a lot of space in my life, those new beginnings are manifesting in their own time, which is to say, slowly.
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In January, I drew Oracle cards for the year. My March card was Claim Your Sovereignty, with this description. “Don’t be afraid of your transformation. Release your old ideas and false beliefs as easily and naturally as a snake sheds it’s skin. Stand in the center of your life. Even amid change, take up space, without contorting or contracting to make others more comfortable. Embody the power that was once denied you.” Strong and powerful words, which I’m taking seriously. So many ways to look at the idea of "taking space." This space-making also includes opening mental and physical space for things I’ve always wanted but never allowed myself to have, such as handmade pottery dishes. Dave and I recently invested in a very simple service for 4 – four each dinner plates, lunch plates and bowls. It’s so lovely. It’s enough. We deserve it. If we break one, we'll buy another. |
I have put up wallpaper on a few accent walls in February because I like it. I painted a small room bright peach because it makes me happy. I hung some of my rediscovered hats and old mirrors on the walls.
This cleaning out process has not been about denying myself. Not at all. More about coming into myself. Enjoying having less. Having more of what matters to me and less detritus that I’ve been dragging around for years.
I can tell you that I feel lighter. There’s been a lot of healing in the letting go. Things in my family were never just Things – there was a lot of emotional attachment around them. That, I think, is mostly gone for me now. The space of years is kind that way.
The door has been opened, the hearth has been swept, the warm breeze is stirring. Spring is arriving.
This cleaning out process has not been about denying myself. Not at all. More about coming into myself. Enjoying having less. Having more of what matters to me and less detritus that I’ve been dragging around for years.
I can tell you that I feel lighter. There’s been a lot of healing in the letting go. Things in my family were never just Things – there was a lot of emotional attachment around them. That, I think, is mostly gone for me now. The space of years is kind that way.
The door has been opened, the hearth has been swept, the warm breeze is stirring. Spring is arriving.
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